My latest workout pushed me....
My latest workout pushed me….

(Avatar Magic, by Gerald Franquemont, is out on Kindle and it can be downloaded onto most readers.)

It’s time to get off your fat ass…exercise, jump up and down, do some squat thrusts, or maybe just squat, or sit, yes sit on the floor. Lie back, stretch out, work it..lift your legs, get a foam wedge, slide it under your legs, feel it, feel it..start to snore–yes, that’s better.

Asthma, high blood pressure, bad backs, sore ankles and swollen eye lids or ear lobes* are problems raging our populace today. We all have to get in shape; we have to be better fit, err, fit for pine boxes or cremation chambers that is. My thinking is that if there’s no time like the present then why glob up now with exercising for the future? Reader Mike Mur—(deleted to hide identity) hasn’t exercised a day in his life(but for lifting drinks) and he’s still standing! Of course, when it comes to Mike M—phy, I’m talking about him standing in line at health clinics and stuff.

The truth is, just yesterday I stopped  at a  neighbor’s house  to tell him he was the healthiest friend I had. He often is sporting around, running, fishing and wind surfing.

Can you imagine a guy my age out there getting it done?
Can you imagine a guy my age out there getting it done?

“‘Me?” he said, ” Oh no. I’ve  just slipped a disc in my lower back; I recently went on blood pressure meds; my whole life is ruined.”

But maybe not this bad.....
But maybe not this bad…..
He feels more like this I imagine....
He feels more like this I imagine….

“Well, have a nice day.” I smiled and walked on imagining the noose of time hanging from my neck.

On the bright side, my friends and I are all double tasking the minute we get out of bed. We’re doing the business of our lives while helping to make doctors, ERs, clinics and physician assistants  fine livings. We also move the economy along to boot! Wait! That’s three jobs at once-look at triple tasking us. No wonder all of us almost older folks get tired.

We need to take more nappies
We need to take more nappies

I’ve made so many doctor visits this past year I’m starting to think that they should all just move in with me. They have my money, why shouldn’t they take over my house as well? I used to wonder why my mom had so many medicine bottles every where I looked in her house. Now, I wonder how she ever had so few? BTW, if the print on medications, random instructions, warning labels and product ingredients get any smaller I’ll need the Hobble Telescope to read them.

“Are you kidding me? That was Ex Lax I just took? I thought the label said…dang it! Gotta go now.”

R U sure that was Ex Lax?
R U sure that was Ex Lax?

First, life reminds us to make it to school on time; then, it’s make it to work on time; soon, it’s make it to the church on time(If we need to); finally, it’s make it to the bathroom on time.  In between all of this it’s time to exercise? Oh please, like I can squeeze out a moments rest for exercise after tripping over my shoes, walking into a door I didn’t open quickly enough and then running over my neighbors dogs.(Officer: it had nothing to do with the all-night barking.)

Here’s how it goes in story time land: Touch your head. then your knee. Move your hands to your shoulders like this you see. Reach for the ceiling , then touch the floor. That’s all there is; there isn’t anymore.  My advice is for us  to forget touching our knees, shoulders, reaching for the ceiling or touching the floor–just find your head and know your pie hole is somewhere nearby waiting to eat.

Remember: Yoga spelled backwards means very little that I know of.

Try telling these enthusiasts that...
Try telling this enthusiast that…Nothing beats a good workout.


*I once heard this-must be true.