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I’ve spent most of my life wishing I could be a weatherman. Then, it dawned on me!The job’s not a breeze after all. My dream evaporated. Sure, weather reporters are wrong half the time and still get paid—what other job would allow that—but there’s more to it.

who knew the job could be so tough.

Who knew the job could be so tough.

Thing is, every weather person has to work two jobs for the pay of one-weather reporter and comedian. It’s a rip off job—a whirlwind, downdraft of a career. Yes, weather reporting is a stand up comedy routine done under the umbrella of a weather report. It’s all a snow job in front of a green board.Worse, every weather reporter in Northern Florida has been telling the same joke for the past seven days…

“Cloudy with lightning and rain…” You get the newspaper picture-the tearing cloud as lightning strikes from it. Everyday for a week it’s been the same symbol. rainlightn2_7187Ha!If someone blew smoke in your eyes, then you’ve seen clouds here-that’s about it. Talk about a depression.

It’s just not fair! Weather reports shower us with a blizzard of blustery probabilities.c1920x1080_4

 

 

 

 

 

Sometimes high pressure systems come in pairs.

Can you imagine a car mechanic saying, “Your car has a 60% chance of making it to your home.”

BBC-weatherman-006

Weather reporting is an art….Circles, lines….neat.

But, I guess dealing a slight chance of scattered truth for a living has to create some pressure, a supersaturated vortex of inversions within the soul, or knot.

It will be hot today...

It will be hot today…

Weather reporters spend one half of their professional career wrecking lives.

And maybe marriages....

And maybe marriages….

There’s no way to count the number of ruined parties, picnics, drug deals and boat parades that have been destroyed by bad weather reporting. What about children’s hopes for school closings that get crammed in dumpsters along with unfinished homework? Lover’s leaps may have been canceled and wet tee-shirts have stayed dry all due to blow-hard, muggy, muddy predictions that drizzle from weatherman’s smiles. Basically, the job’s a tsunami of screw-ups-one wave after another of highs and lows. One day you feel like a nut, the next day you are.

Fact: weather-people try to stay under the radar. Others undress, hoping listeners become watchers and won’t remember they forecast a heat wave.

Top of the morning to ya!

Top of the morning to ya! Wait, it is hot!

It’s almost certain that wherever you live there will be bunnies

Didn't Monty Python warn us about the rabbit?

Didn’t Monty Python warn us about the rabbit?

And beauty in the world to see, rain or shine.

206793_1996109107419_6892592_nI predict whenever you go, Oita’s Monky Mountian will have monkeys on it rain or shine. (Japan.)

 

Basically, we should all cheer up! There’s weather ahead.

Go Green?

Go Green? Maybe, that’s the silver lining….

Have a nice day!

Franque23

 

 

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Baked Alaska has nothing on melting Florida this summer.

Welcome to the dog days of summer.....

Welcome to the dog days of summer…..

Ha! This state has put Hell out of business. Now, if a person lives a routinely horrid life, the Devil merely sends them to Florida to spend out their time as a sand flea.

It’s so hot in Florida even the bugs have slowed to a crawl…

Floridians go to indoor sauna’s to cool off.

Ya don't wanna get stuck in traffic.....

Ya don’t wanna get stuck in traffic…..

I’ll never think of a good lookin’ gal as being  hot any more…Ha! Not!! Anyway, the outside temps here in the land of the palms have given the word hot a scorching new threshold, a plethora of sizzling platitudes: way hot; fried and fired up; burned out; back draft day; blistering baby; no touch day and hell’s breath day to name a few.

Wanna lose weight? Blitzkrieg your way to Florida from up north. Stand outside a few hours then go back home. You’ll be amazed by what a difference few bazillion degrees can make. Then again, there’s an upside to the heat. Think of the money to be saved by cooking on the sidewalk, though who’ll be left alive to eat the food? As I get it, maybe only sharks.*

 more good news--Floridan roads haven't melted like they have in India-not yet.

more good news–Floridian roads haven’t melted like they have in India-not yet.

Nudist throw in the towel and run for cover.

Be sure to turn that door knob with your gloved hand and bring a diver’s oxygen tank into your car when driving.

Florida should change its name to IV central. The ants have burrowed to China; the roaches have flown to the Himalaya’s. KKK members have quit burning torches and decided to throw ice parties instead.  The last remaining umbrella in Florida was sold one hour and ten minutes ago. Sad.

So yeah, hitting forty below up at Lake Bonaparte, New York, during the winter is not perfect, but jumping over forty degrees above Hell heat in Florida during the summer is centrally unnerving as well. Freeze or fry, that’s the question McDonald employees ask as they hand out driving directions to the north into the hands of liquified tourist who dribble up alongside their window.

Idea man strikes again!

Idea man strikes again!

Come to think of it, the Floridian afternoon showers are such a blessing when they do come that they create the perfect time for state-wide wet tee shirts contests! Where or where is our state leadership in this one? At least the students at U of F have an idea.**

student skip the wet tee shirt idea and run for a fountain....

students skip the wet tee-shirt idea and run for a fountain in their undies….

Singing in the Rain should be Florida’s state song.

Check out a beach scene in Florida before AC hit the fan----thankfully, our society came to its senses for a bit before we went nuts-again.

Check out a beach scene in Florida before AC hit the fan—-thankfully, our society came to its senses for a bit before we went nuts-again.

Times have changed….

But I still miss the hats!

But I still miss the hats!

So yeah….Floirda cooks in the summer.-

Franque23

*http://www.businessinsider.com/sharks-found-swimming-near-active-underwater-volcano-2015-7

**http://www.alligator.org/news/campus/image_581191b4-0e9f-5442-b1e7-449c37c7044d.html

here are links for both of my books in the Avatar Magic Series:
Book one, Avatar Magic and book two, The Code of Avatar Magic are on kindle now.

It’s said that the rainbow is God’s promise to us that it won’t rain again too badly ever again.

a sign that we are in the clear

a sign that we are in the clear

Thing is, he gave us another sign, too. That sign is called snow.

favorite picture of number two daughter

favorite picture of number two daughter standing in God’s second sign….( taken at Natural Bridge, New York.)

Yeah, that’s right. The white covered trees, snow-covered roofs and crystal white ground is a clear message sent to us from above. It’s God’s way of putting out a white flag, covering areas of the earth with the flag of surrender, as in give up on this place. He begs us each year with a blanket of freezing white to heed his warning and go forth, go to the light, and prosper. But do we listen? It’s no accident that the word snow has the word “no” inside it.

I did have fun building snow men.....

I did have fun building snow men…..

Few know that the word snow stands for, “Sweet Jesus, no one will live here.” This is because the original, S.J.N.O.W. L.H., group, back in bazillion BC , or twelve years ago, received the message but didn’t listen. Not that they were Hebrews, but doesn’t this sound familiar? I mean, we have a whole book about those gifted with knowledge who didn’t listen. Anyway, this S.J.N.O.W.L.H. group went forward into the land of snow and froze their gonads off. Soon, the entire race perished-no off spring, (no surprise here).All that was left of the entire disobedient race was a simple fragmented wall etching that read ** S.N.O.W.** What I’m thinking is that snow is frozen water, and people are made up of over 50% water! Hello, which half of you would you like to freeze off today? See? None of this I’m gonna live in a frozen tundra makes sense. Plus, who the hell shovels a driveway and then goes to work?  No. Me? I go back to bed-‘Honey the driveway is clear’.

A friends house up  in Northern New State near our Lake house.....

A friend’s house up in Northern New State. Sometimes, I think people up North haven’t noticed that it’s cold?

Fact: the word slosh first came into our vernacular once brain surgery became an item.  It was then, when surgeons, and scientists like Frankincense,(not the weird-o Frankenstein-geez, that’d be lame) where opening a frozen northern person’s left and right brain lobe that a pizza delivery boy said, “Wow, what would you call that? Slosh?” The term stuck on through sleet and snow and objections from the House of Representatives. In the end, snow days aren’t worth loosing appendages. It beats me why people would stay in a place that God has already plainly marked a no unzip your fly zone, throw in the towel cause the water lines are rock solid frozen zone, and a look out, that roof might collapse catastrophic set. I wonder as much as the Hebrew’s wandered about all of this-but at least that lost tribe was in a desert, so they had it good.

our home up north.....but a summer home.

our home up north. (Lake Bonaparte) ….but a summer home.

There’s  a reason they call a joke a snow job. You know what? Come to think of it, I agree with you Northern shoveling people-why sell your homes? Why leave your snow plow behind and buy cheaper homes down south were your heating bills won’t matter and your back won’t hurt? There are so many puddles down here, and that dang ocean nearby is full of water.

Having a terrible time down here....it might rain tomorrow!

Having a terrible time down here….it might rain tomorrow!

Plus, our empty roads are such a sleeper. You’ve got it good. Free ice, too! You know what they say; numb toes still add up to ten if you have them! Cheers. Franque23 is cold at fifty degrees-who’d like that?

here are links for both of my books in the Avatar Magic Series:
Book one, Avatar Magic and book two, The Code of Avatar Magic are on kindle now.

It cuts like a cold steel knife or burns our skin like a stove top. Weather. Weatherman or weather women, 50% right or wrong, command our attention every day by written word or by broadcast.

Here, in America, most weather reports offer the bare facts about what to expect in temperatures and precipitation in a cut and dry style.

Not to be out done  in weather reporting, the Czech Republic has a different take on how to predict  tomorrow’s weather…..

this is completely different-but the weather bears watching.

This is completely different-but some think the weather ‘bares’ watching.

“In the Czech Republic a meteorologist is considered crazy if they wear clothes. Each night a bit after midnight on one of the free to air TV stations a different “meteorologist” will present you the next day’s weather in quite an innovative way.  He or she will start stark naked then proceed to wear-put on- the clothes that you should wear to get through the next day.”*(you won’t believe this.)

See? Weather reporting styles vary from place to place.

For my dad, here in the States in the mid 1960’s, we didn’t have weathermen or ladies who shivered naked in a broadcasting’s studio’s cold AC. No! We had a guy in New York city I’ll never forget. Uncle Wethbee  was his name. The unique thing about his reporting was that he was a sketch artist, and drew pictures on large  paper  propped up on an easel that showed how the next day ‘s weather would/should/could be.

he was so cool to watch

He was so cool to watch

here's a drawing of a dog he said you wouldn't want to leave outside in tonight's cold.

Here’s a drawing of a dog Uncle Wethbee said you wouldn’t want to leave outside in tonight’s cold.

I loved to watch him draw freehand, live, right on-screen, and I’m glad Uncle Wethbee kept his clothes on,too. Anyway, one thing that astounded me as a child was how my dad would come home from work complaining before dinner that yesterday’s weather report had missed the call completely, and then rush without fail to see that’s night weather report right after our meal ! Now, maybe I get that, somewhat.

This post’s random shot…

Out Library gang at the Youth services department in Gainesville, Florida dress up for Dr. Seuss Da

Our Library gang at the Youth Services Department in Gainesville, Florida, dress up for Dr. Seuss Day.

People who grow food have to know about the weather; they care. My  dad was born in Iowa, and he  never lost a farming inborn DNA thread that linked his soul to the land and weather. I guess, part of that thread runs in me, and my sister as well-she grows food and flowers at her Oakland home. Me?  My thirty by forty(or so) garden is of great interest to me, and our acre also sports four lemon trees, two pear, two fig trees, four Chinese honey, one mandarin, one grapefruit tree, one blueberry bush and three red seedless navels. What this means in a nut shell is simple: before the cold strikes, I’ve got work aplenty to do.

I used thirty-three blankets to wrap my trees form four to six feet high

I used thirty-three blankets to wrap my trees from four to six feet high off the ground

I run clip on lights and holiday lights out to these trees for added warmth.

It took me tow-an-half hours Tuesday morning to get the pinning of the blankets done.

It took me two-and-half hours Tuesday morning to get the pinning of the blankets done.(Shadow’s sitting proud.)

I had to work at noon,,so I was out and about at 6 AM to start the project. Of course,  before I wrapped the trees, I had to pick about 1/2 of the fruit on them to insure I had some to eat in case the freeze set in so hard it turned the  crop to juice oranges only.

it took two and a half hours to pick about 300 oranges. to about 8:30 AM.

It took two and a half hours to pick about 300 oranges. to about 8:30 AM.

Several crates and a table top full of oranges….

another view of this years first pick ot bet the freeze

Another view of this years first pick to beat the freeze!

Hmmm good…the grands and us enjoyed 12 oranges for breakfast today!

But there was more to do...I culled the garden.

But there was more to do…I culled the garden.

I picked fifty green tomatoes, only three ripe, some lettuce, nine small egg-plant and some green beans-a kitchen tabletop full…

another view-

Another view

Of course Shadow helped the whole time,,,hauling blankets(away) and guarding me.

every alert!

Ever alert!

and always watching out!

This is his, "I wasn't chewing that toy truck-honest!" ears....

These are his, “I wasn’t chewing that toy truck-honest!” ears….

We shook hands when the job was done-

and ate a few green beans ....

and ate a few green beans ….

So, it was a fun morning….beating the freeze and, luckily, the oranges had ripened enough  to enjoy. Tuesday’s night low turned out to be 25 degrees below the normal average for the night(51 the normal average low for the day)…and our chilly 25 degree temperature reading lasted for hours….The following night left the bird bath frozen until 9:30 AM…!

This morning was much warmer–the grands slept over and we picked some more!

the best of times...as in a sleep over with four grands and then a massive orange pickin' in the AM.

The best of times follows a few days later…as in a sleep over with four grands and then another  massive orange pickin’ in the AM.

And oh….

I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out that other countries beside the  Czech Republic have taken the art of weather casting to a whole different level, too.

See? I can't make out Mondays weather in Moscow..what to wear?...crazy huh?

See? I can’t make out Monday’s weather in Moscow..butt that it will be cheeky! What to wear, or not?..That is the question!

Cheers,,, and stay warm-and eat plenty of  vitamin C !

Franque23

*http://cheekytraveller.com/?p=43

here’s links for both of my books in the Avatar Magic Series:
Book one, Avatar Magic and book two, The Code of Avatar Magic are on kindle now.

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