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Okay, let’s get down to it. Mother’s Day is really about Mom’s Incredible Expanding Center.

Twelve basketballs later, this mom was still eating!

Twelve basketballs later, this mom was still eating!

Women have this thing going on that can’t be normal. It’s called nature, but  I say it’s all freaky. There isn’t a guy on the planet that ever plans on expanding to twice their size to deliver-not gonna happen. Here’s why-it ain’t normal.

That’s right.  Somewhere way back during evolution Mother Nature got it wrong and decided children should be born.

Children grown on trees is a much better idea.

Random idea for this post:

Huge pegs don't fit thru small holes......

Huge pegs aren’t meant to go thru small holes……

See below? There’s a large glob of baby that’s hoping to fit through a small opening….

Look at the phyisics...nothing is working.

Look at the physics…nothing is working.

Heck, just ask any mom how that birthing process goes pain wise and you’ll know it’s all wrong. And what ever happened to the pleasure-pain principle of running or staying put!?!? You’d think women would never sleep after all this birthing history, at least not in beds. No, if evolution held true, women would all be track stars or astronauts by now. (Remember , there are also twins, heck even six-packs of newborn siblings come along sometimes).

Eons of not learning.

Eons of not learning.

It’s important to tell a pregnant woman how nice she looks, since everyone knows people were never meant to resemble bowling balls with feet.

“You look lovely.”

“Oh, thank you.”

“Just how many of you are there, anyway?” Asked no living guy.

There’s usually about fifty pounds of an expectant mother you just can’t miss. But it’s okay-very weird-if women want to be three times the size of any other living person. Whatever—this expand-o-max routine works especially well in plane seats, movie theaters, narrow hallways, cars and couches. Nature has it all planned, for elephants. Thing is, there’s an idea or two missing when it comes to women giving birth.

For one, everyone knows babies need nourishment but Nature has that screwed up for people, too…

Eat up mom!

Eat up mom!

Who ever said size doesn’t matter never gave birth or had to walk around a pregnant woman.

Try to stay off your feet until after the baby's born.

I keep thinking about those things society used to use called phone booths. “I’ve got to call the hospital; the baby’s coming!” How did that work?

It’s all a bit screwy. Other animals have this  worked out-they give birth to small things that triple in size almost over night once they’re down and out the shoot. Not people. No, people like to give birth to babies with huge heads, and that part comes out first! “Perfect!”, said no mother during delivery.

All this should be happening on a children tree.

All this should be happening on a children tree.

People, every one of us, are freaks of nature. Maybe, that’s the problem with Mankind. God, or the Gods, placed bets that none of us would ever happen. When we did, they just threw up their hands and began to drink heavily.

I guess we’re all miracles, and most of all-Mother’s.

I hope you have a huge, Happy Mother’s Day.

Franque23

here are links for both of my books in the Avatar Magic Series:
Book one, Avatar Magic and book two, The Code of Avatar Magic are on kindle now.
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